you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As shirtless as possible
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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