Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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