YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
