Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
