Small penises have feelings too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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