He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
