I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
