i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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