i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
