so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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