well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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