"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
