Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
worst night to have a conscience
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
