its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
