I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
