At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
