can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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