the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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