i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
