can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
