Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
