I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
