I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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