Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
