R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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