The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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