i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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