no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
