dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
