u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
