Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
