This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
