the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
