woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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