You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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