right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
