1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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