so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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