Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
