you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
