Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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