Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
