dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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