ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My bed smells like the plague
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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