Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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