I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
