Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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