I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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