I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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