He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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