He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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