my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
