You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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