she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
