Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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