If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish i was in the wii world.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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