I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
