The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
