Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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