Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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