Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
