he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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