is your mom at the bar?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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