yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
