If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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