Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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