I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
