Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
