yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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