He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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