the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
