youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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