on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
