Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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